dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.