If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.