My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.