Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
