apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
