A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I can't turn off my feet"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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