If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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