no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I look better un-naked...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
