God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
