WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
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So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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