New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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