I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
