In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
