Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
