If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
