the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
