You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
