Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
