So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
