Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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