I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
