About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
