had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
