Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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