They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
