Where did you get a picture of my penis
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
