Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
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Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
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it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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