your parents love me but you hate me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
