Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
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after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize