I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
