oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
