I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
