Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
