What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
