So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
