dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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