the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
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i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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