So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
