I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
