my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You made out with two different species that night
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
