I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
