I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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