i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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