got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
