Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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