Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
