we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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