I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
