I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
