Sry I called you an 8
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So many bounce houses so little time
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
