If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
