New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
