where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
