Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
