Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
