3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
